Missing Puzzle Peace

For the past two or three months my mother's side of the family started getting together about once or twice a month just to stay close and keep each other in the loop of our hectic lives. When these meetings were first suggested I was already so skeptical about how well they would go and if anyone would even enjoy them. I'm happy to say that I was wrong. It's been wonderful seeing my cousins, my aunts, and my grandma for a few hours one night out of the month. However, in the midst of all the merriment and revelry, a few arguments arose and kept arising. And then it hit me; Here I've been waiting on God to show me what my next task is and he finally showed it to me. More than anything I need to be the missing puzzle piece that connects and holds the rest of my family together. Let me rephrase, I need to be the piece of peace, the unit of unity. Tensions have slowly been boiling between several family members; Families have turned against families, grudges have been made and held onto, and I feel like I'm the only one who sees what's truly going on. The devil has waged war against my family, and quite frankly, he has the upper hand at the moment. He's successfully divided up what was once a crazy, eccentric and maybe a bit dysfunctional, but above all, united family. He's planted the insatiable love of money into the hearts of one family, and the cold and hardness of unforgiveness in the others. Each family has devised and grouped up; its "them" vs. "us" but the mindset of each is the same: "if you're not with us, you're with them." They've forgotten what it is to be a family, to love unconditionally, to forgive "seventy times seven times." I sat there at my aunt's dining table completely bewildered and shocked as I saw the destruction that lay ahead for us. "Here I am, send me" I've been saying to God, and send me he has. If ever there was a time for words to not fail me, this is it. This is me fighting back. I'm bringing peace back into this family.

A Breath of Fresh Air

For the first time in a long time I can just breathe. I can be still and not fall captive to memories. I can lie down and not force myself to be occupied with anything. I can just be. I still have no idea what God has in store for me, and a few doors have been opened, all leading in different directions, but I'm okay with the unknown. Whatever it is, God is going to use me however he wants. I'm happy; in God, with life, with me. I'm not still punishing myself and I think that's a great feat on it own. Life is moving and so am I. Passion is surging through my veins again. I want so much more than I ever thought. I will do great things because I'll be doing them for His glory.

My cheeks are so red, and it's definitely not because of this sunburn. Instead of searching for joy, I'm having trouble containing it. It's like I'm breathing new air, fresh air, and it's intoxicating.